This Good Life

Daily Dose of Random - Happiness

A very interesting talk by a Buddhist monk that provides a great deal of insight.  Long video, but you've spent an hour listening to things far less worthwhile.  This is an hour that will make you think.  You don't have to watch, as much as listen.

Life Dreams

Kris and I got back yesterday from a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.  Jay, a friend of mine, took us down to his parents house in Brazoria, TX.  We've been down there many times, and this weekend was just as amazing as all the others.  Three days of games, drinks and relaxation with our friends.

The subject of this entry, however, is related to our drive back on Monday.  The weather in Texas has been rainy all weekend, and on Monday morning, we found ourselves in Houston in terrible weather.  A torrential downpour was flooding streets and crippled traffic.  During this downtime in the trip, Kris began asking me random questions, as she often does during car travel.  One of the questions was, "Do you have a desire to learn how to fly a plane?"  Very random, and my answer was, no, I have no desire to learn how to fly a plane.  We discussed sailing, which is something I would like to learn, and then the topic moved to something equally as random, involving Kris designing an underground barn for her farm.

The question did cause me to start thinking about life dreams.  Things I'd like to do in my lifetime.  Not  "make money", or "have kids", but the fun things I'd like to accomplish.  The attainable wishes.

So, here is my list of things I would like to accomplish.  They are all things I could accomplish with preparation and/or funding.  Whether I am able to do them remains to be seen, but its what I'd like to do.

Thru-hike the Appalachian Trail
Travel to Cambodia
Learn to Meditate (I've started this one)
Setup my own Disc Golf course
Scuba dive a shipwreck
Finish writing my book (I have one in the works, but doesn't everybody?)

Its a partial list, and I may add more as I remember dreams.  Anyone reading, please post a comment with your life dreams.

A New Path Begins

During our adoption process, Kris and I had to answer many questions.  What would you do if Situation A arose?  Have you thought about day care options?  Describe your relationship with each other.  How do you express affection?  Have you locked up the medications in the home?  Describe memories of your childhood.  How will you discipline your child?

We were ready for all of these questions.  We've thought these things through and discussed them.  We have read alot of books as well to prepare ourselves.  We have no problems discussing our feelings and our lives.  However, there is always one issue that presents itself that we had a hard time explaining to other people.

What are your religious beliefs?

The simple answer to the question is, we have no religious beliefs.  I do not believe in any omniscient being or beings that created existence, watches over our lives, has any direct or indirect impact on this world, and asks that we worship him/her/them.  Most people would use the word atheist to describe this.  I personally don't use the term, because atheism isn't a belief, its a lack of belief.  Christians are defined by what they believe, not what they don't believe.  Muslims aren't defined as people who don't believe in Ganesha, they are people who believe Mohammed was a prophet.  Even nihilism is defined by what that group believes   I can't think of any term that describes a group of people by what they don't believe.

So, I avoid using that term, as it doesn't summarize what I believe.  It is also a negative term, for exactly the reasons I have described above.  It also is not wise to tell a person, who is deciding whether or not to give you a child, that you are an atheist.  We usually answered these questions very esoterically, by explaining that we do not attend any organized religion, and do not feel that morality and religion are dependent upon each other.  We have very strong morals, such as kindness and understanding, which we will actively teach our child.

When we answered this in person, it was followed by, "so, would you say you are a Christian?", to which we answered; No.  Its very difficult for a person, such as a Christian, to understand that we have made it through this much of adulthood without religious involvement, so they continue to try and catagorize our beliefs.  Now, we did anticipate this.  We understood that many people in the world of adoption are religious.  Actually, most of them are religious, so we had to prepare some good follow-up answers.  I explained to our caseworker that we understood the importance of community that organized religion offers, and it was likely we would be involved in groups like the Zen Center, which studies meditation.

This is not something chosen at random.  While my life experience and learning taught me that there is no "G"od, I do feel there is something valuable to learn from sitting quietly, and exploring your own mind and beliefs.  Well, after we provided this information, we found ourselves needing to learn quite a bit more.  Sure, I understand the importance of religious community, but I also can't deny the importance of being surrounded by people who have similar values.  I can't go into a church and identify with people who believe that if you don't worship God the way they do, you are going to hell.  Kris and I had to take a serious look at how we were going to teach our child solid values, and show them a community that tried to live those values. 

I took World Religions in college, and have a decent basic background in the world's beliefs.  This information, along with a funny Religion Test I got from my friend Nate's blog, put me on the path to learn more about one belief structure I have always been attracted to.

Buddhism.

I won't go into a long explanation of Buddhism here.  The link above will tell you a great deal if you are interested.  I do want to explain why Buddhism is attractive to me.  Buddhism is a non-theist religion, meaning there is no god/gods that you pray to.  It focuses on exploring your mind for truth, and the main way you explore is through meditation.  The main reason I am attracted to Buddhism is the idea of personal experience.  Simply put, the Buddha said that truth can not be taught, only experienced.  Therefore, you should only believe in that which you have personally experienced.  If you do not believe in reincarnation, you shouldn't believe it just because a monk tells you it exists.  Unless you have seen evidence of reincarnation in your own experience, it is not a necessary belief.

This is a way of thinking that sets Buddhism apart from all other major religions.  I am not aware of any priest that says you don't have to believe in the resurrection of Christ if you don't have evidence.  On the contrary, you are required to believe in this in order to be a Christian.  They call it faith: belief in something you have not experienced or witnessed, but believe in it anyhow.

There are many other things about Buddhism that I like, such as finding truth through compassion, but all of these things stem from the idea that it is a personal experience.  I read many, many articles about Buddhism, viewed all I could find on Youtube, and looked for Buddhists in the DFW area.  Through this search, Kris and I found a few locations in the area, and this last Sunday, we made a visit to KTC, a Buddhist group in Dallas.  We arrived, and spent the first hour in a cozy living room, where a member taught us the basics of meditation, and talked a bit about Buddhism.  During our discussion, the door opened, and in came the Lama.  KTC practices Tibetan Buddhism, and are guided by Lama Dudjom Dorjee.  It was quite an experience to find a Tibetan Lama walking into a living room in Texas.  He warmly welcomed us, cracked a little joke, and then went to prepare for his talk.

We finished our talk and instruction on meditation, and then entered the shrine room, where the Lama had begun his discussion.  As the sangha sat on cushions, the Lama would read a passage in Tibetan, translate it to English, and then talk about the meaning.  As we were late, and I'm not used to listening to his accent, it was a bit hard to follow exactly what he was talking about, but it was nice to see how he teaches.  At the end, we meditated for a bit, which for me meant struggling to keep proper body position and try in vain to clear my mind.  Of course, its not expected that meditation should show results very quickly.  It will take us a long time and a lot of practice to make progress in meditation.  As our instructor said, if it were easy, everyone would do it.

So, for the first time in 14 years, I have begun exploring a personal spiritual experience.  Not just as a detached scholar, but as someone who wants to learn for self-improvement.  I don't know that Buddhism is the right fit for me yet, but the practice of meditation, and the teachings of the Buddha are very valid things.  I will continue to learn, visit other temples and sanghas, and learn more teachings.  I already have found ways of expressing beliefs I have held for a long time, but could never quite put into words.

A wonderful monk named Ajahn Brahm taught two things that you can teach your child to ensure your child can make it through the "thicket of views" in the world and not indoctrinate them in a belief, but rather "empower them to make wise decisions for themselves."

1.  Always question.   And not just letting them question, but encouraging them to question.

2.  Encourage them in honesty.  Not just telling the truth, but not accepting something if it does not make sense.

And coming full circle, we will be learning all of these lessons at the same time as our child.  When our child is introduced into our home, they will be exposed to the teachings at the same rate we are, and their questions, will be welcomed.  Instead of telling them what they are to believe, we will questions and learn things together.  This is the path I have been looking for, one I can walk with my family in a pursuit of harmony.  One that we can grow and learn together.  And if all goes well, at the end of the path, I can lie down with contentment and love, knowing that I have guided a child to the same.

Pointless Music Rant

You can't know where you are going unless you know where you've been.  If I apply this adage to the last few years of popular music, I understand why I haven't listened to music on terrestrial radio in over 4 years.  An article popped up at the end of April that puts the last few years into perspective.  A band called Gym Class Heroes found themselves at #1 on the CHR/Top 40 list with their track, "Cupid's Chokehold/Breakfast In America."  The CHR/Top 40 List is a panel of radio stations from all over the US that tracks the national airplay of songs.  So, being #1 on this list means that "Cupid's Chokehold/Breakfast In America" is the most played song on radio in the US.  Now, being #1 isn't what made the article so special, but rather, Gym Class Heroes is the first band to be #1 for 4 consecutive weeks since Green Day in 2005.  This was during the American Idiot album, when Green Day was all the rage.

Gym Class Heroes first came to my attention when I listened to their album The Papercut Chronicles, a work I found to be quite uninteresting, unmemorable, and full of music that was trying hard to be "edgy".  Apparently, GCH was "found" by the guys in Fall Out Boy (don't even get me started on this one), and signed to Decaydance Records the label of Pete Wentz, bass player for Fall Out Boy.  Gym Class Heroes went on after that album to be an artist connected with the soundtrack for One Tree Hill, a teenage emo-soap opera, which only has one, albeit slightly less attractive, redeeming quality: Moira Kelly.  Gym Class Heroes also partnered with Sunkist, and used their remake of "Good Vibrations" to sell sodas.  You can hear this remake here.

I know I'm throwing a lot of random information at you, but I'm trying to establish a foundation for what is the most popular song in the last 2 years by a band that is only known to kids 17 and under who have a penchant for eyeliner and anime, and who's parents totally don't understand them.   Aside from the fact that the band just isn't very interesting, has just become a marketing gimmick, wrecked one of the greatest Beach Boys songs ever, and associates themselves with the most irrelevant band of the last 5 years, the song that rocketed them to the top of the charts, "Cupid's Chokehold/Breakfast In America", is a cover of a Supertramp song.  Oh, they added their own verse, which is why there is a slash in the middle.  The catchy chorus in the song is pulled from "Breakfast In America" by Supertramp which was released in 1979. 

So, out of all the bands in the last two years, the one that most caught the ears and imagination of the public, and then kept their attention for 4 long weeks, was a song that was written 28 years ago.  That's what we get.  And frankly, that's all you are going to get for a long time.  The 2005 chart toppers, Green Day, while the rock-darlings of the day, had just released their most predictable, generic album ever.  It wasn't bad, but not very good.  Years from now, no one will be listening to the American Idiot album, but Dookie will still be found over and over by new listeners.  But that's what we have now.  Music that is written for, marketed to, and eaten up by a group that has no solid opinions or identity:  Teenagers.  Teenagers gave us the life changing music of Tiffany, Menudo, Ace of Base, Brittney Spears, and now Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes.  Just because you add distortion and tattoos doesn't change the fact that you are singing to an audience who measure their importance in this world by how many wrist bands they own and whether they got lots of signatures in their yearbook.  There is truly amazing music going on, with sharp, well written lyrics of substance, strong musical roots and form, and remarkable artistry on instruments, but mainstream has completely been usurped.  It used to be that great songs from decades earlier were plucked up by corporations to sell pizza and bubblegum, but its so much easier to simply make the music the commercial.  Why wait for bands to become classic?  You can get some hipsters in ironic t-shirts to record an old song, tie the album release to some products and TV show, pay a radio station to put it into heavy rotation, and shazam!, you can sell all of your products at every mall in the US.

I'm really not just some old guy talking about how much cooler music was in my day.  I'm talking about cooler music now.  I guess I should be glad that bands I like stay "smaller".  I don't want to see a Decemberists song used to sell tacos.  There has always been disposable music that was vapid and soulless and sold millions of copies.  That will never go away.  Payola is alive and well and companies will always use teens to sell their products.  As I mentioned before, teens have no solid opinions or identities, which makes them perfect for selling a new product.

My call to you, dear reader, is simple.  If you haven't already, then stop listening music radio.  Seriously, just stop.  Listen to public radio and learn something, or, if you must, listen to talk radio.  At least the blow-hard jackassery on those shows don't include music.  Go out and buy some albums recommended on this blog, and visit sites like Pitchfork to learn about what is really going on in music.  Rage against the dying of the light.  And if you meet anyone who mentions Gym Class Heroes and is over the age of 17, break their eyeliner in half for me.  That'll give them something to be EMOtional about.

Adoption: We Are Done...Now We Wait

Yesterday was the big home study for our adoption process.  We've been filling out paper work, reading, and attended classes for the last two months, but this was the final step in the approval process.  In order to be certified, our caseworker has to first conduct individual interviews with Kris and I, and then visit our home to ask some more questions and make sure we aren't running a meth-lab or sweatshop in the garage.  Usually the individual interviews take place at the Gladney offices, however, our caseworker, Tanya, arranged to do both interviews and our home study on the same day.

When we got our official date for our home study, we started the cleaning process.  Got the garage all arranged, cleaned out every room in the house, set up the kids bedroom with furniture and toys, etc.  The morning of our home study, we got up early and put the finishing touches on our house, doing some last minute sweeping, cleaning, and prepping.  At about 9:30, Tanya showed up with paperwork in hand.

We sat in the living room, where Tanya started by asking us a series of questions.  To be exact, 38 questions, ranging from basic (how long have you been married?, how old are you?, have you ever used illegal drugs?) to philosophical (how will you tend to your child's religious upbringing?, what will you do if your child likes one parent more than the other?) and then specifics about the child we are interested in (how many children?, what races?, what ages?).  The first part of the interview took just over two hours, at which point we took a break for lunch.  We invited Tanya to have lunch with us, and Kris made turkey salad sandwiches on toast, with grapes and chips, and bundt cake or strawberry shortcake for dessert.  It was the kind of spread anyone who has come to our house and eaten has experienced, but I'm hoping that it helped show what kinds of parents we will be, even though that was not our intention. 

After a nice lunch, we did the home study.  While Kris and I thought that this would involve Tanya poking round our house with white gloves, we just sat in the living room again while she asked us questions (how many sqft?, do you have smoke alarms?  is there a garage?).  We answered all the questions, and she just jotted down the answers.  She never actually saw our garage, just took our word for it.  After the home study, which was the briefest part of the process, Kris left so I could do my individual interview.  In this section, Tanya asked questions about my childhood memories, my parents, my sister, my thoughts of Kris, what I did for a living, and more.  This was the hardest part of the interview.  Personal questions are tough to answer, and when you do answer them, its hard to put feelings and memories into words.  This part took about 45 minutes, and then I left so Kris could conduct her interview.  Me leaving meant going back to the bedroom to take a quick nap.  Next thing I know, Kris comes in and its all over.  Tanya is gone, and our home study is done.

Tanya will now take our interview information and type it up.  Our answers will create a source that people can learn all about us.  Want to know how we will handle bed-wetting?  Look in the file.  Do we have a fenced in backyard?  It'll tell you.  Once this is all typed up, which takes about two weeks, Tanya will have the information reviewed by two other people, to see if there is anything missing that would help round out our information.  This process will take about 4 weeks.

Now, we are all done for the next 6 weeks.  Nothing more we can do.  Our time will be filled with reading about adoption and child development, and looking at kids on the TARE website.  When we get our certificate, I'll let everyone know.  Once that happens, our file will be out there, and can be matched with a child.

Adoption: It Will Soon Be Out of our Hands

Its a big week in the adoption process.  We spent the last month submitting paperwork and following up with Gladney to get our file completed.  On Tuesday, we will be heading out to Ft. Worth to do our personal interviews with the people at Gladney.  This interview process will take about 3 hours.  Then, on Thursday, we have our home study, where our caseworker, Tanya, comes to our house to check the place out and conduct another interview.  This will also take about 3 hours.

So after Thursday, the real waiting will begin.  Once our home study is complete, our file can be handed out to CPS locations all over Texas, and eventually a match will be made with a child.  After our home study, all we can do is wait for information.

And waiting truly is the hardest part.  Its very difficult to do basic things like set up a child's room or buy children's toiletries when you don't know the age, sex or race of the child you will end up adopting.  We did put furniture into the room this weekend.  A chest of drawers and a bookcase was added to the bed and bookshelves that were already in the room.  Kris even did some decorating with some games, crayons, storage tins, and books.  Anything kid-friendly we had on hand.  Since most of the toys and books are things from my childhood, its a fairly masculine room right now, but as generic as we could make it.

So, a few hectic days are ahead of us, then a wait of unknown length, but its a big milestone to complete the initial process.