This Good Life

A Beer Argument: Casting 'Stones

I love beer.  Spend more than a day or two with me, and you'll know my love of beer.  I've had the chance to drink local beers in small German villages, drink micro-brew right on site at several breweries in Texas and Colorado, and I even brew my own beer.  I enjoy all varieties of good beer: from lagers to imperials.  But when I stop by the store to stock up on my day to day beer, I drink Keystone.

That's right, Keystone.  I get razzed about this a bit, and not from beer snobs.  Even your average Bud drinker wonders why the hell I drink Keystone.  Well today, I will explain the logic behind my decision to drink the 'Stones, and maybe get a few converts in the process.

Keystone Light, which is my preferred variety, is made by Coors.  It comes in five flavors: Keystone, Keystone Light, Keystone Ice, Keystone Premium, and Keystone Premium Light Ice.  (I personally have never seen the last two flavors, and I'm not sure I'd even want to try a beer defined as Premium Light Ice.  Its a beer that can't make up its mind.)  Some define Keystone as a second chance beer, meaning after Coors Light is made, unused beer is given a second run and becomes Keystone Light.  According to Coors, Keystone has its own special recipe but costs less because they don't invest in advertising.  Fair point, because I can't remember the last ad I saw for Keystone.

So its a sunny Saturday afternoon, and you run to the store for some beer.  Your day might include some golf, mowing the lawn, or possibly just sitting on your ass watching the game.  At the store, you encounter several readily available, reasonably priced beers, such as:  Budweiser, Coors, Miller, Corona, Tecate, Dos Equis, Red Dog and Steel Reserve.  When I talk about beers from here on out, I am referring only to the "Light" variety.  So if I say Bud, I mean Bud Light.  I'm only talking about light beers because drinking a 6 pack of Guinness Draught on the disc golf course in 95 degree weather is a bit much, and this is every day beer, meant for volume and alcohol.

Let's touch on some attributes that are important in the beer decision making process.

Flavor:  This is all pretty much poor quality beer.  Now, I'm sure there are people out there who will argue about quality of one beer over another, but the simple fact of the matter is these are low cost, low quality beers.  Beer should only have 4 things in it: Water, Malted Barley, Hops, Yeast.  Now, hops and malted barley are expensive, so to reduce the cost of beers, brewers substitute malted barley with rice.  It costs a lot less, and is responsible for the total lack of flavor in the big domestic beers.  A buddy and I have an argument about using rice sugar in beer, and while some people may argue that it doesn't hurt the flavor, rice sure doesn't help the flavor.  Hops in these beers are pretty much non-existent.  They may list them as an ingredient, but its not at a detectable level.

So in the end, the list isn't about flavor.  If you want flavor, go pick up a good beer like an Avery or Boddingtons.  There are hundreds of quality beers out there.  No one is drinking any of these beers for great flavor.  Actually, the goal of these beers are to have the least offensive flavor possible so anyone can drink them.  Keystone is like drinking slightly flavored water.  It is the least flavor I have found in all of the beers.  Also, Keystone tastes better warm than any of the other beers, so if you have to carry beer with you unrefrigerated, Keystone is the best choice.  A 90 degree Bud tastes like ass.

Volume:  Keystone comes in 30 'Stones.  All other beers come in anywhere from 18 to 24 beers.  No other brand I have found allows you to buy 30.

Price:  Keystone is just less than $18 before tax for 30 stones.  A 20 pack of Bud is $17.

Nutrition:  Keystone is 100 calories per 12oz can.  This is less than Bud, Busch, Coors, Michelob, and Molson.  Miller and Amstel come in just under Keystone.  Pabst Blue Ribbon is actually the lowest with 72 calories, and if I had access to Pabst Light in my local stores, it might be a contender, but alas, no Pabst here.

Cheap beer is really about one thing: Alcohol.  Keystone provides 4.2% abv, just like all other light beers.  There is no variation here. 

Playing Beer Pong?  There is no better choice than Keystone.  Its only 5 cents per ounce, and as the
beer gets warm, you can still drink it.  Bringing beer to a party?  It costs less and you have 6 more beers to give away.  No one is more popular than the guy giving away beer.

So, when comparing flavor factors, Keystone has the least flavor of all the cheap beers, but frankly, that's a good thing.  It also tastes the best warm.  You get more beer for your money, fewer calories than most brands, and the same amount of alcohol.  So get smart and join me over a few cold 'Stones at the course.  Then you can spend the money you saved on good beer for the comfort of your own home.  Why share the good stuff?

14 Mintues, 59.99999999 Seconds

Just when you had forgotten all about All Your Base Are Belong to Us, its back, and better than ever.  As a huge Calvin and Hobbes fan, I thought I'd share this with everyone.

Enjoy

http://aybcalvin.ytmnd.com/

Some Funny Shite

Ok, just a quick entry before the weekend starts.  I found a site today that is absolutely hilarious reporst on Celebrities and culture.  Its www.Idontlikeyouinthatway.com and its so funny I almost peed myself.  Definitely show this site your support and read as much as you can.  Even the About section describing the site is hilarious.  Very well written comedy.

Drugs + Government = Really Bad Math

We've all read stories of police seizures of drugs in the news.  The government likes to show how effective their work in the "War on Drugs" is, so local police departments like to report two numbers in drug seizures:  Weight and/or Monetary Value.  An article in the news today tells about a $100,000 Drug Bust that occurred after officers stopped a car for a broken license plate light.  This headline has everything the news wants: Drugs, Large Amounts of Money, and Stupid Criminals.  But what do these numbers actually mean?  How is it decided that the drugs seized are $100,000?  Its actually a completely arbitrarily made up number that tries to make the local police look good, and feed the myth of nefarious, high dollar drug rings operating in your back yard. 

Lets do some special math kids: Drug Math.  We'll be working in metric and converting from Imperial to metric, which is invaluable.  Also, if you ever try to buy marijuana, cocaine or heroin, you'll know if you are getting a good deal.  By reading this entry, you are guaranteed to learn something.

The details of the article linked above reveal that the car was searched and the following was recovered:
3 lbs of Marijuana
1/4lb of cocaine and heroin.

The key to this entry is that we are going to give the police the benefit of the doubt.  If there is a discrepency in price, I'll use the higher price.  Despite any evidence that this was going to be sold in smaller quantities, well assume these guys were going to stand on the street and sell the drugs in the smallest volumes possible to remove any quantity discounts.  (Drugs are just like Sam's, the more you buy, the less it costs.)

 

Lets start with the weed.  Marijuana isn't usually sold in volumes less than 1/4oz, especially here in Texas, but in NY we'll assume they have some good shit, and plan to sell it one bag at a time to white rich kids in Central Park.  We'll break it down to 1/8 of an ounce (there are 384 1/8oz bags in 3lbs of marijuana, assuming no loss due to smoking a lot of the shit while its being packaged.)  We are also going to assume that this is pretty high quality and it is getting a good price of $25 for 1/8oz.  That is $9600 on the button, not taking into account all the various costs of dealing drugs such as baggies, gas and parking costs, the product swallowed when you thought the cops were pulling you over, and buying clothing that clearly advertises you to your consumer.  In actuality, the marijuana most likely has nowhere near that value.   If you were to try and sell someone 3lbs of pot for almost $10,000, they'd laugh in your face.

So, we just need to account for $90,400, or just over 90% of the reported value.  This brings us to the coke and heroin.  Now, the article stated, "...police found a quarter pound of cocaine and heroin...".  Although the wording is a bit ambiguous, it seems to indicate that 1/4lb total was found, not of each.  Now, the math gets tricky.  While marijuana is a plant, and we can all kind of visualize say, three pounds of tobacco or oregano, cocaine and heroin are pretty powerful powders.  I've seen enough junkie movies to know that tiny little bags of smack can be purchased in the park for $10 or so.  So how do we know how many servings are in the seizure in question, and therefore determine its value?  Cocaine and heroin are most usually measured in grams.  There are 28.35 grams in an ounce, and therefore 113.4g in the 1/4 pound seized.  The value of these drugs vary a great deal, but since we don't know how much of which drug was recovered, and since heroin is the more expensive of the two, we will peg half the price of the entire amount to the price of heroin, and half to cocaine (56.7 grams of each). 

Cocaine prices also vary based up on location and purity.  To determine value, I turned to White House stats, whose numbers, surprisingly, seem to be accurate.  According to the chart at the link above, 60% pure coke in Boston (which is reasonably close to NY) sells for $200 - $250 for an "eight ball" or one eight of an ounce (3.5 grams).  I'll peg this on the high price and we'll call it $71 a gram (actually, a very high price, as a gram on the same chart with higher purity sells for $30 in NY).  That means the 56.7g of cocaine seized had a value of $4025.70.  Now, if I adjust the price and assume that the cocaine was 100% pure, the value goes up to $6747.30.  We'll round up to $6750.

Totals so far:  marijuana - $9600, cocaine - $6750 = $16350
Remaining cost to cover with the heroin = $83650

Some quick math (83650/56.7) brings us to the total of $1475.30 a gram for the remaining heroin.  Per gram, not ounce.  So is that expensive? How much heroin or is purchased at a single time?  How much is in a dose?  I used a variety of sources for this one.  Heroin dosage changes over time, with first time users using 5mg to 10mg.  Tolerance increases rapidly however, so the dosage increases quickly as well. Price varies with the source you ask.  A UK source put the price at 60pounds, or $105 per gram.  Some other sites that focus on fighting the drug war (and are therefore not quite as unbiased) put the price at $500 - $800 per gram.  Now, the variety of these sources may be based on quality.  The White House stats again seem to be the most realistic.  In NY, one gram of 80-90% purity sells for $60 - $74.  Below that it shows $2000 per ounce, which is actually a higher cost than $74 per gram, so lets go with the $2000.  Again, assuming that the drugs in seized in the article are 100% pure, and assuming $2000 gets you 1oz of 80% purity, then the value of the 56.7g seized is $8859.38 (rounded up to $8860).  My research was originally going to use the script for "Pulp Fiction" in which Eric Stoltz's character is selling Panda and Bava for 45 (presumably $4500) and the "madman" Choco from the Hartz mountains for $5500 an ounce.  That's some primo imported shit, and even that comes out to about $343 a gram, if we buy the "madman" like Vincent did.

Grand total for all drugs seized = $25,210 ("Pulp Fiction" numbers = $32,948)
Value of seizure overstated by = $74,790

Even if we assume for a moment that it was 1/4lb of BOTH heroin and cocaine (total value of $31,220) then the police are still clearly full of shit.  I mean really full of shit.  Increasing the value of the their seizure by over 3x times the value even with the most generous figures, 100% pure drugs, and throwing in a 1/4lb of heroin and cocain for good measure.  Lets even double the value of the pot, and say that the police only overstated the price by 2.5xthe value.  Could you imagine overstating something of importance (like company earnings) by anywhere from 2.5x to 4x actual value?  That's not full of shit, that is shit shooting out of their ass into the mouths of the reporters, and the reporters regurgitating the projectile shit into the open hungry mouths of the mindless nestling reader; wingless, and eyes closed.

Now, I'll go ahead and reveal my bias.  I do not agree with the tactics used in the "War on Drugs", especially at the state level.  Police use drug arrests to seize property and possessions totally unrelated to the actual drug arrest.  For example, if you get arrested for possessions of crack in a traffic stop, your car can become the property of the local police, and regularly does.  Your house and personal property is subject to the same seizure.  It would be like robbing a 7-11 and running home, so upon your arrest your house became the property of the police.  That would never happen, but with drugs, happens all the time.  The Federal Government encourages this by providing less funding and encouraging local police and narcotics agencies to used seized property to increase their budget.  Its inappropriate on many levels, and encourages questionable tactics of police departments, who already have almost limitless power when it comes to drug arrests, and allows for severe abuse of power.  (See the fake drug busts in Tulia, TX and fake "gypsum" cocaine in Dallas for just some local examples).

As long as the State and Federal Government has to justify its expenditures and citizens in prison for drug crimes, you will continue to see numbers like this.  The amount of money spent and people locked up can't be justified, no matter how much the numbers are inflated.  All I can hope is that this article makes you question what you read in the future, and open up your eyes.

Albert Hoffman's 100th Birthday

My good friend Buddy let me know yesterday that Albert Hoffman's birthday was right around the corner.  So today, I devote my blog to the celebration of the birth of Dr. Hoffman (b. January 11th, 1906).  He turns 100 years old today, and will be celebrating it at an international chemistry symposium.

Now, many of you may be thinking this me trying to make a funny entry, but I assure you, I am quite serious that Dr. Hoffman's birth is a reason for me to take the time to honor this man's life.  Who is Dr. Hoffman?  He is a ground-breaking chemist who worked at Sandoz laboratories in Switzerland.  His main work was in synthesizing chemicals in plants and animals.  What do we owe him?  How about countless works of literature, art, and music?  How about opening the flood gates for debates in psychology?  Not enough?  How about the grooviest part of the 60's?

Albert Hoffman most famously worked synthesizing alkaloid compounds in a fungus called ergot.  On April 16th, 1938, he inadvertently got some of the lyseric acid he was working with on his fingers.  Lysergic acid diethylamide-25 to be specific.  On that fateful day, Dr. Hoffman became the first person to experience the effects of LSD.  Three days later he ingested 250 microns, and became the first person to intentionally take a trip.  April 19th is actually known as Bicycle Day, as Dr. Hoffman experienced the effects during a bike ride home.

What he found on that day is still being debated almost 70 years later.  He quite literally opened Pandora's Box, opening up a world of mental experience that some see as a saviour, others as a demon.  It has been used by the government as a possible truth serum in experiments against unwitting American citizens, and has been used by psychologists in studies as an effective treatment of alcoholism.  Dr. Hoffman is one of its most ardent supporters, but understands the complexities of such a tremendous drug.  I personally will take this day to thank Dr. Hoffman for his devotion to helping the world, in his own swirly way.