This Good Life

Life Dreams

Kris and I got back yesterday from a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.  Jay, a friend of mine, took us down to his parents house in Brazoria, TX.  We've been down there many times, and this weekend was just as amazing as all the others.  Three days of games, drinks and relaxation with our friends.

The subject of this entry, however, is related to our drive back on Monday.  The weather in Texas has been rainy all weekend, and on Monday morning, we found ourselves in Houston in terrible weather.  A torrential downpour was flooding streets and crippled traffic.  During this downtime in the trip, Kris began asking me random questions, as she often does during car travel.  One of the questions was, "Do you have a desire to learn how to fly a plane?"  Very random, and my answer was, no, I have no desire to learn how to fly a plane.  We discussed sailing, which is something I would like to learn, and then the topic moved to something equally as random, involving Kris designing an underground barn for her farm.

The question did cause me to start thinking about life dreams.  Things I'd like to do in my lifetime.  Not  "make money", or "have kids", but the fun things I'd like to accomplish.  The attainable wishes.

So, here is my list of things I would like to accomplish.  They are all things I could accomplish with preparation and/or funding.  Whether I am able to do them remains to be seen, but its what I'd like to do.

Thru-hike the Appalachian Trail
Travel to Cambodia
Learn to Meditate (I've started this one)
Setup my own Disc Golf course
Scuba dive a shipwreck
Finish writing my book (I have one in the works, but doesn't everybody?)

Its a partial list, and I may add more as I remember dreams.  Anyone reading, please post a comment with your life dreams.

Adoption: We Are Done...Now We Wait

Yesterday was the big home study for our adoption process.  We've been filling out paper work, reading, and attended classes for the last two months, but this was the final step in the approval process.  In order to be certified, our caseworker has to first conduct individual interviews with Kris and I, and then visit our home to ask some more questions and make sure we aren't running a meth-lab or sweatshop in the garage.  Usually the individual interviews take place at the Gladney offices, however, our caseworker, Tanya, arranged to do both interviews and our home study on the same day.

When we got our official date for our home study, we started the cleaning process.  Got the garage all arranged, cleaned out every room in the house, set up the kids bedroom with furniture and toys, etc.  The morning of our home study, we got up early and put the finishing touches on our house, doing some last minute sweeping, cleaning, and prepping.  At about 9:30, Tanya showed up with paperwork in hand.

We sat in the living room, where Tanya started by asking us a series of questions.  To be exact, 38 questions, ranging from basic (how long have you been married?, how old are you?, have you ever used illegal drugs?) to philosophical (how will you tend to your child's religious upbringing?, what will you do if your child likes one parent more than the other?) and then specifics about the child we are interested in (how many children?, what races?, what ages?).  The first part of the interview took just over two hours, at which point we took a break for lunch.  We invited Tanya to have lunch with us, and Kris made turkey salad sandwiches on toast, with grapes and chips, and bundt cake or strawberry shortcake for dessert.  It was the kind of spread anyone who has come to our house and eaten has experienced, but I'm hoping that it helped show what kinds of parents we will be, even though that was not our intention. 

After a nice lunch, we did the home study.  While Kris and I thought that this would involve Tanya poking round our house with white gloves, we just sat in the living room again while she asked us questions (how many sqft?, do you have smoke alarms?  is there a garage?).  We answered all the questions, and she just jotted down the answers.  She never actually saw our garage, just took our word for it.  After the home study, which was the briefest part of the process, Kris left so I could do my individual interview.  In this section, Tanya asked questions about my childhood memories, my parents, my sister, my thoughts of Kris, what I did for a living, and more.  This was the hardest part of the interview.  Personal questions are tough to answer, and when you do answer them, its hard to put feelings and memories into words.  This part took about 45 minutes, and then I left so Kris could conduct her interview.  Me leaving meant going back to the bedroom to take a quick nap.  Next thing I know, Kris comes in and its all over.  Tanya is gone, and our home study is done.

Tanya will now take our interview information and type it up.  Our answers will create a source that people can learn all about us.  Want to know how we will handle bed-wetting?  Look in the file.  Do we have a fenced in backyard?  It'll tell you.  Once this is all typed up, which takes about two weeks, Tanya will have the information reviewed by two other people, to see if there is anything missing that would help round out our information.  This process will take about 4 weeks.

Now, we are all done for the next 6 weeks.  Nothing more we can do.  Our time will be filled with reading about adoption and child development, and looking at kids on the TARE website.  When we get our certificate, I'll let everyone know.  Once that happens, our file will be out there, and can be matched with a child.

Adoption: It Will Soon Be Out of our Hands

Its a big week in the adoption process.  We spent the last month submitting paperwork and following up with Gladney to get our file completed.  On Tuesday, we will be heading out to Ft. Worth to do our personal interviews with the people at Gladney.  This interview process will take about 3 hours.  Then, on Thursday, we have our home study, where our caseworker, Tanya, comes to our house to check the place out and conduct another interview.  This will also take about 3 hours.

So after Thursday, the real waiting will begin.  Once our home study is complete, our file can be handed out to CPS locations all over Texas, and eventually a match will be made with a child.  After our home study, all we can do is wait for information.

And waiting truly is the hardest part.  Its very difficult to do basic things like set up a child's room or buy children's toiletries when you don't know the age, sex or race of the child you will end up adopting.  We did put furniture into the room this weekend.  A chest of drawers and a bookcase was added to the bed and bookshelves that were already in the room.  Kris even did some decorating with some games, crayons, storage tins, and books.  Anything kid-friendly we had on hand.  Since most of the toys and books are things from my childhood, its a fairly masculine room right now, but as generic as we could make it.

So, a few hectic days are ahead of us, then a wait of unknown length, but its a big milestone to complete the initial process.

The 2nd Annual Boneshakers + WNBC

The long awaited weekend-long party begins this evening.  The Boneshakers are hosting Austin's Wednesday Night Bike Club (WNBC) from Friday to Sunday.  Preparations have been extensive, with food, memorabilia, beverages and activities planned out for several weeks.

Technically, the party began last night when I dropped of the keg of Dos Equis at Nate's.  Jay came over and helped us test the keg, and I can report that it is functioning properly.  The guys from Austin will begin showing up at Nate's today, and should all arrive by about 10pm this evening.  Among the plans for the weekend is the Big Bike Ride, a Wii bowling tournament, and if I can arrange it, a Beirut Tournament.

I'm hoping I can get a game of Beirut going tonight, so I went over to Beirut-Guide.com, a great site that lets you organize your rules and add in any variations you need.  For those of you not familiar with Beirut, you may know it as beer pong.  I've put the rules for this weekend below.  I'll report back soon and let you know how it goes.

Beirut (Beer Pong) House Rules

Daily Dose of Random - DIY Creme Egg

I work for Cadbury Schweppes, so I found this link amusing.  Its one of my favorite candies, and seeing the finished product makes my mouth water, but I think I'll leave it to the plants to make these in the future.

http://www.pimpthatsnack.com/project.php?projectID=302

Cool Sign Language Site

There are several sites online that Kris and I have been looking at through our adoptions process, that have videos, pictures and descriptions of kids that are available for adoption.  On one of these sites, Kris saw an adorable 8 year old girl that she liked.  It turns out that the child is deaf, which is one of several traits we are open to in a child.  Currently, the little girl is in a foster home where the parents do not sign, which I can imagine is quite frustrating for her.  That got us thinking about American Sign Language and how long it would take us to learn.  It one thing to adopt an infant that is deaf, since you will be learning along with the child, but adopting an 8 year old would require a crash course in ASL.  I only know a few letters, and how to say, "I Love You", which I learned from Shel Silverstein.

Sign Language is a great skill to have, even if you don't have a deaf child.  It turns out that ASL is the 3rd most common language in the US, behind English and Spanish.  Many parents use sign language with hearing infants, as children can learn to recognize sign before they can speak.  Also, there are many times in life that you will encounter people with a variety of hearing traits, so having a few words in sign is a good way to break the ice.

So, as my part in continuing my friends education, I found ASLpro.com, an online ASL dictionary with over 7200 words.  Each word has a corresponding video that shows you how to do the sign.  So far I have learned "horse", "shoes", "magic", "llama" (which is cheating, because you just spell it), and "hallucination", a word I hope I don't have to use for quite some time with a deaf child.  Please enjoy, learn, and post back with any words you learned.

Boneshakers: Heathly Debate

The Boneshakers got together for our weekly "ride" last night, and it was the first time in several weeks that all four of us were able to make it.  The Boneshakers is a social group I became a part of several months ago, and every Thursday night we get together for some bike riding, beer and dominoes.  There are currently four members:  Jay Brushwood - The Warlord, Nate Stull - The Shaman, Chris Cummings - The Ronin, and Craig Marshall - The Bard.  Jay is has been friend of mine for quite some time, but we hadn't seen each other in awhile.  Then late last year, he invited me to come out for a Boneshakers get together.  Things clicked very well between me and the rest of the Shakers, and I now have great new friends, and an excuse to party in the middle of the week.

Well, there was no bike riding last night, but there was beer, fooseball, beer, darts, beer, and dominoes.  During the dominoes conversation escalated a bit between myself and Jay after I made a comment regarding a news story.  I was annoyed by a story about a fireman who had fallen from a 3 story balcony and was amazingly unharmed.  They interviewed the fireman who was telling his story, and he felt that the reason he fell and was unharmed was because guardian angels caught him and pulled him to a safe place.  Honestly, I found it to be amusing initially, but did make a divisive comment that those kinds of views annoyed me.  Somehow, the conversation escalated, and we ended up on a political discussion about the intentions of the founding fathers, the ACLU, and immigration from Northern Mexico.

The reason I'm writing about this is, despite our differing opinions, and even though it can get a bit heated and agitated, its refreshing to know that people can have these kinds of discussions without it affecting a friendship.  While we may never see eye to eye, Jay and I are still able to be passionate about what we believe, voice our arguments, and still respect each other.  We are in such a polarized society now, and "news" has turned into political punditry, to the point that immigration issues are more of a religion than a discussion.  Things have become so divided, that most people avoid debate and discussion about things they feel passionate about.  Its almost a taboo in recent times to express a differing view, and considered best to avoid confrontation, so an average person simply doesn't talk about things.  The idea of conflict has become so uncomfortable to us, that many people simply surround themselves with people and information that support their ideas, and avoid confrontation with people who disagree, out of "courtesy".  I personally feel that this has led to people becoming totally disinterested and uninformed about current events.  Why bother learning about what is happening if you are never going to be challenged in your beliefs?

I for one think that avoiding this kind of "confrontation" is amazingly unhealthy both for learning and social interaction.  We need to learn how to stop making all discussion personal, and have healthy debate with people.  We may have internalized many opinions and beliefs, but we need to learn how to have those beliefs challenged without having it be a challenge of who we are.  I know that I am very often insensitive to other opinions, so having someone challenge my beliefs and views allows me to examine and refine my thoughts and opinions.  My mind may not be changed, but the ability to communicate my ideas is improved, and future discourse with people may allows differing opinions to find a common ground.  So I challenge anyone reading this to engage in a debate this weekend with someone who has differing views, and learn how to have a healthy discussion.  We need more of that.

P.S.  Jay won the bones game, which I believe is the first win in quite some time.  I personally feel that the debate got his energy flowing, and subsequently he played madman dominoes.  Or it could be that angels guided his hand to the right bones, and entered the minds of the other players to set Jay up for big points.

THAT'S RIGHT, I WENT THERE!!  See you next week, sucka!!!

The Big Thing: Adoption

Since this is my first post, I thought I'd start by letting people know the biggest thing that has been happening lately.  Kris and I have been working towards adoption.  Now is probably a good time to start chronicling the adventure, since its starting to get interesting.

We actually started down the adoption road in 2004.  We took classes with CPS, and were on our way, but decided the time just wasn't right for us.  Three years later, we decided we were in a much better place; house, stable jobs, stronger marriage, et cetera.  So, we started the process again.

Now, this isn't a simple process, so let me start with some background.  The main thing to know is we are not planning on adopting a white baby just a few months old.  There are agencies that will do that, but its just not our in our interests.  Our reason for wanting to adopt is that there are lots of kids out there who need a home, and we feel we have alot to offer those children.  Also, everyone wants babies, especially white ones, so the kids who really need our support are older children.  That's why we went with Child Protective Services.  CPS is the state organization that is responsible for the welfare of children.  The kids in their care have been taken from their parents for any number of reasons.  They could have been abused, neglected, parent in jail with no family to take care of them, or parents simply turn them over to the state because they can't/won't take care of them.  These children are then placed in foster care.  The foster family takes care of the child, or siblings, but this is only temporar.  CPS and other organizations will work with the parent to do one of 3 things.

1)  Ideally, the child will be placed back with one of their birth parents.  Sometimes parents just need help getting their lives straightened out and learn better parenting skills.  This could be assistance with drug addiction or even getting them set up with government programs to ensure there is enough food in the house.

2)  If the parents aren't an option, CPS will try to place the children with a family member.  Keeping children with their biological family is always ideal, even if its a grandmother, aunt, uncle, or older sibling.

3)  If neither of these things happen, then parental rights can be terminated by the courts, and children are available for adoption.  They will be matched with families that have been approved by CPS or a private agency, and after 6 months living with their new family, they can legally be adopted.

That adoptive family will be us for one, or even two children.  First, however, we have to be approved for adoption.  This time around, we chose to go with a private agency; the Gladney Center.  We started by attending classes in Ft Worth that prepare parents for the difficulties of adoption.  Children are not blank slates.  Their experiences through this process can be highly traumatic, and no one gets through unaffected.  So, the classes address child psychology, attachment, the grief process, behavior and more.

Once the classes are over, the real work starts.  We submit to a criminal background check and an FBI fingerprint check, have friends and family send in referral letters, get a physical and tuberculosis test, write a biography, make a book about our family, prove we have insurance, show them our tax returns for the last 3 years, and more.  Once that is done, we do individual interviews with the agency, a couple's interview, then the agency comes to our house for an all day Homestudy, where they check the place out, talk with us more, and in the end, determine what age group they will certify us to adopt, what races, and how many children.

I've probably left out half of the stuff we have to do, and the list above already is an overwhelming amount of information, but this process is difficult for a reason.  These children have been through alot, so CPS wants to make absolutely sure that the parents who are approved for adoption are ready to take on the challenges and provide a permanent home.  At this point, we have submitted our paperwork, become certified in CPR, and are putting all the finishing touches together so we can begin our interviews and homestudy.

Once that is complete, and we are approved, the wait begins.  Our file will be submitted to agencies all over Texas, and eventually, hopefully within 3-6 months, we will be matched with a child or several children.  Once a match is made, they send us the file of the child.  This is all of the information they have on this child: CPS records, school records, psychologists reports, foster family reports, medical records, and any other documentation they can get their hands on.  We review the file, and determine if we can meet all the needs of the child.  If there are issues we don't feel comfortable with, like a family history of schizophrenia, we can decline to move forward.  However, if we feel that we have found the right child for us, then we move forward.

This is really the end of the process.  The rest is very important, but if we make this decision, we must be absolutely sure about the child, and be prepared for whatever may come.  If we move forward, the child is told that their new mommy and daddy will be visiting, and we drive out to the foster family's home for a visit.  The first visit with the child will be for a few hours at the foster family's home.  The next day, or possibly the next weekend, we will come back over and take the child with us for the day.  Maybe a trip to the park or go to the zoo.  The third day, we take the child all day, and the child stays overnight with us.  If they are local, we will stay at our house.  If they are out of town, we will stay in a hotel with the child.

After that visit, arrangements are made to send the child's things to our house, and the child moves in.  They are now living with us.  There is a 6 month period where they are living with us, but not adopted.  After this 6 months, we go to court, sign adoption papers, and the child is ours forever.

Right now we are open to children ages 0-13, with our ideal age being somewhere between 2 and 8.  Obviously, there are lots of people who want young children, so there are far more "old" children in the system.  A child over 4 is much less likely to get adopted, so there is some encouragment to adopt these children, such as paid college tuition for the child at any state university.  We are also open to any race.

So, that's what we've been up to.  At this point, we are in the hands of the system, so its a bit of a waiting game.  I'll post new developments as they happen. 

 

I Have Not Died...Or Run Out of Things To Say

My sincere apologies for leaving my three readers with no posts over the last 6 months.  One thing led to another, and I just haven't been posting.

But I am back, and will be posting once again.  I have done lots of things over the past 6 months, so I have things to talk about.

Keep posted.

Virtual Pumpkin Carving

A fun holiday entry for all you perfectionists who want to try our pumpkin design before you actually start cutting.  This link will take you to an online "game" where you can carve a pumpkin, light it up, and then start all over.  You can also save your pumpkins, so when you've done your carving, post a comment below with a link to your pumpkin, so we can all see your Halloween masterpiece.

http://www.gamegarage.co.uk/play/halloween/