During our adoption process, Kris and I had to answer many questions. What would you do if Situation A arose? Have you thought about day care options? Describe your relationship with each other. How do you express affection? Have you locked up the medications in the home? Describe memories of your childhood. How will you discipline your child?
We were ready for all of these questions. We've thought these things through and discussed them. We have read alot of books as well to prepare ourselves. We have no problems discussing our feelings and our lives. However, there is always one issue that presents itself that we had a hard time explaining to other people.
What are your religious beliefs?
The simple answer to the question is, we have no religious beliefs. I do not believe in any omniscient being or beings that created existence, watches over our lives, has any direct or indirect impact on this world, and asks that we worship him/her/them. Most people would use the word atheist to describe this. I personally don't use the term, because atheism isn't a belief, its a lack of belief. Christians are defined by what they believe, not what they don't believe. Muslims aren't defined as people who don't believe in Ganesha, they are people who believe Mohammed was a prophet. Even nihilism is defined by what that group believes I can't think of any term that describes a group of people by what they don't believe.
So, I avoid using that term, as it doesn't summarize what I believe. It is also a negative term, for exactly the reasons I have described above. It also is not wise to tell a person, who is deciding whether or not to give you a child, that you are an atheist. We usually answered these questions very esoterically, by explaining that we do not attend any organized religion, and do not feel that morality and religion are dependent upon each other. We have very strong morals, such as kindness and understanding, which we will actively teach our child.
When we answered this in person, it was followed by, "so, would you say you are a Christian?", to which we answered; No. Its very difficult for a person, such as a Christian, to understand that we have made it through this much of adulthood without religious involvement, so they continue to try and catagorize our beliefs. Now, we did anticipate this. We understood that many people in the world of adoption are religious. Actually, most of them are religious, so we had to prepare some good follow-up answers. I explained to our caseworker that we understood the importance of community that organized religion offers, and it was likely we would be involved in groups like the Zen Center, which studies meditation.
This is not something chosen at random. While my life experience and learning taught me that there is no "G"od, I do feel there is something valuable to learn from sitting quietly, and exploring your own mind and beliefs. Well, after we provided this information, we found ourselves needing to learn quite a bit more. Sure, I understand the importance of religious community, but I also can't deny the importance of being surrounded by people who have similar values. I can't go into a church and identify with people who believe that if you don't worship God the way they do, you are going to hell. Kris and I had to take a serious look at how we were going to teach our child solid values, and show them a community that tried to live those values.
I took World Religions in college, and have a decent basic background in the world's beliefs. This information, along with a funny Religion Test I got from my friend Nate's blog, put me on the path to learn more about one belief structure I have always been attracted to.
Buddhism.
I won't go into a long explanation of Buddhism here. The link above will tell you a great deal if you are interested. I do want to explain why Buddhism is attractive to me. Buddhism is a non-theist religion, meaning there is no god/gods that you pray to. It focuses on exploring your mind for truth, and the main way you explore is through meditation. The main reason I am attracted to Buddhism is the idea of personal experience. Simply put, the Buddha said that truth can not be taught, only experienced. Therefore, you should only believe in that which you have personally experienced. If you do not believe in reincarnation, you shouldn't believe it just because a monk tells you it exists. Unless you have seen evidence of reincarnation in your own experience, it is not a necessary belief.
This is a way of thinking that sets Buddhism apart from all other major religions. I am not aware of any priest that says you don't have to believe in the resurrection of Christ if you don't have evidence. On the contrary, you are required to believe in this in order to be a Christian. They call it faith: belief in something you have not experienced or witnessed, but believe in it anyhow.
There are many other things about Buddhism that I like, such as finding truth through compassion, but all of these things stem from the idea that it is a personal experience. I read many, many articles about Buddhism, viewed all I could find on Youtube, and looked for Buddhists in the DFW area. Through this search, Kris and I found a few locations in the area, and this last Sunday, we made a visit to KTC, a Buddhist group in Dallas. We arrived, and spent the first hour in a cozy living room, where a member taught us the basics of meditation, and talked a bit about Buddhism. During our discussion, the door opened, and in came the Lama. KTC practices Tibetan Buddhism, and are guided by Lama Dudjom Dorjee. It was quite an experience to find a Tibetan Lama walking into a living room in Texas. He warmly welcomed us, cracked a little joke, and then went to prepare for his talk.
We finished our talk and instruction on meditation, and then entered the shrine room, where the Lama had begun his discussion. As the sangha sat on cushions, the Lama would read a passage in Tibetan, translate it to English, and then talk about the meaning. As we were late, and I'm not used to listening to his accent, it was a bit hard to follow exactly what he was talking about, but it was nice to see how he teaches. At the end, we meditated for a bit, which for me meant struggling to keep proper body position and try in vain to clear my mind. Of course, its not expected that meditation should show results very quickly. It will take us a long time and a lot of practice to make progress in meditation. As our instructor said, if it were easy, everyone would do it.
So, for the first time in 14 years, I have begun exploring a personal spiritual experience. Not just as a detached scholar, but as someone who wants to learn for self-improvement. I don't know that Buddhism is the right fit for me yet, but the practice of meditation, and the teachings of the Buddha are very valid things. I will continue to learn, visit other temples and sanghas, and learn more teachings. I already have found ways of expressing beliefs I have held for a long time, but could never quite put into words.
A wonderful monk named Ajahn Brahm taught two things that you can teach your child to ensure your child can make it through the "thicket of views" in the world and not indoctrinate them in a belief, but rather "empower them to make wise decisions for themselves."
1. Always question. And not just letting them question, but encouraging them to question.
2. Encourage them in honesty. Not just telling the truth, but not accepting something if it does not make sense.
And coming full circle, we will be learning all of these lessons at the same time as our child. When our child is introduced into our home, they will be exposed to the teachings at the same rate we are, and their questions, will be welcomed. Instead of telling them what they are to believe, we will questions and learn things together. This is the path I have been looking for, one I can walk with my family in a pursuit of harmony. One that we can grow and learn together. And if all goes well, at the end of the path, I can lie down with contentment and love, knowing that I have guided a child to the same.
Jack Chick, the author and illustrator of evangelical comics called called "Chick Tracts" turns 82 years old today. I don't know if many of you are familiar with his work, but Chick writes Christian Fundamentalist comics and makes them available for distribution. The idea is that his comics, when given to the unsaved, will open their eyes to the truth more than just normal evangelical witnessing. These comics can be purchased in bulk, at about $0.15 per copy, and people actually distribute them. I know that my sister and I have received them on more than one occasion in our Trick or Treat sacks on Halloween. The one I remember most clearly is called "The Beast", and what I remember most is the guy who refuses to have 666 put on his forehead and he gets killed by a portable guillotine car. After reading the comic again, I still like that part, but I never knew that the Pope and Jews are the servants of the Beast. Chick's writings aren't for christians, just his kind of Christians. You are evil in the eyes of God if you are or support Catholics, Mormons, Muslims, homosexuals, believe in evolution, celebrate Halloween, listen to rock music...ah, what's the point of listing them all. This isn't the first time you've seen this kind of list, and you haven't changed and accepted Christ in the right way. Which is why you are going to Hell. Sorry about that. There isn't room for everyone in Paradise.
Recent Comments